Our relationship with our mothers has an impact on our ability to thrive in life. I use the word “thrive” intentionally as opposed to “succeed”. This is because success is largely measured by material gain or occupying key positions in the society. While this may be a mark of success, it does not always translate to feelings of achievement. Often, people who have “made it in life” may still carry the “not good enough” state of mind.

Rick Belden defines the mother wound as an “injury to the psyche of a child resulting from significant dysfunction or disruption in relationship with the mother.”

In ordinary circumstances, dysfunctions and disruptions do occurs. However, when such dysfunctions are complex and occur over many years, the effect may be long term.

The mother wound is reported to exist on two levels:
Individual level: This refers to behavioural patterns that originated with your mother that caused you to doubt, limit, sabotage, reduce or diminish yourself. The effect of the mother wound may make you carry feelings of shame, guilt, as well as a belief that you need to remain small or refrain from speaking out to be accepted.

Collective level: This refers to the collective pain of women’s oppression passed from one generation to the other. Overall, mother wound is a function of patriarchy. Over time, women across cultures and generations developed ways of coping with their oppression. Unfortunately, these coping mechanisms end up defined as a mark of womanhood. For example, our mothers
and grandmothers were forced to remain silent in their marriages for the sake of peace and/or keeping the marriage intact. It is common for older women to expect such subservience from young bride. Hence, when older women receive a young bride during marriage, they tell her about rules that a young bride must abide by to keep her marriage intact. No one bothers about dismantling patriarchy. Instead, the society concerns itself with teaching women on how to strive to be a good woman in a society that is oppressive towards them.

In many instances, many mothers may not be acting with intention to cause harm. Instead, they may be acting out their own unconscious and conditioned wounds. Healing the Mother Wound is not about blaming the mother or making her to be a monster or bad person. Instead, it is about understanding inherited patters or trauma which may have been passed down from one generation to another. It is important to also understand that the mother wound may not be the result of an events but a series of unresolved pain from your maternal line.

Our focus should therefore extend beyond the child-mother interaction to include a broader lineage. In other words, healing your mother wound opens up an opportunity to engage your maternal blood line in a way that releases some of the generational harm that may have been passed on from women who came before you.